that moment
when
Monday, August 7, 2017 , 10:02 PM
Monsters


Painting is an expression. Putting all your thoughts on a canvas or a paper is a way to relieve all the pain you have in your mind. It distracts you and keeps you from giving yourself away to the monsters in your own head. 

I love painting. I love writing. I may not be the best in all of them but I can do them decently. At least I try and if I put a lot of effort into learning how to draw or write better, I could be the most talented all rounders. 

But I'm not going to put too much effort into one thing. It's better to just do everything at the same time. It sounds weird but I love it that way. To be able to do everything at once (Except singing, I suck the most at that). 

Along the way, I've found out why I care too much. I care when I messed up the flower in my painting and got frustrated with it. I made it so it'll be a perfect painting, to give to someone that, even though he seems indifferent to me most of the time, but I know he actually cares about me. Not much but I'll live with that.

I also know why I get so anxious when I think of losing my family or friends that I care so much about. And put too much thoughts in my head when I thought the person that I care about doesn't even like me. I care too much when it comes to emotions because that's just who I am.

I am made to love.

I was shaped to view the world in a peaceful perspective and that everyone deserves to be happy and loved by someone.

I care too much because I empathize and sympathize easily. I have strong love emotion that I just want to give to the world. When two sides conflict, I become the mediator and ask people to think positively. 

It's how I roll.

The thing is, being a dreamer and a peaceful person in a harsh world is hard. Wars are happening and social media becomes a place where everyone just bash each other without a second thought. Negativity fills the air and everyone is breathing it like it's a necessity.

It frustrates me so much. I can't do anything to stop all of these from happening. I don't have the power and seeing it happens just crushes me on a whole new level. Also, I'm not the type to argue and seeing people spreading negativity on social media without me trying to correct them or makes them think the positive way just frustrates my mind.

I'm an INFP in Myer Briggs personality quiz and it explains to me why I am like this. 

Imagine like elves or fairies in a forest, trying to live happily and peacefully but then the forest is on fire and monsters are constantly fighting. It just makes living in the forest a living hell. 

And that is how I feel. I'm that forest fairy. And now it can't even breathe properly because of the smoke from the fire, burning the forest until it becomes dust. Before long, that forest fairy will die in an immense pain.