Once, I was childish. I'm close to those who I am close to. I rarely have big circle. I don't extend my friendliness to others outside the range. Those who are near to me, are lucky. Sort of. At least to me. Or if it's also lucky to them, then good. Once I'm close to someone, I am loyal. 

Some people have wide range of friends. Extroverts. Just like one of my friends, Nani. She talks to a lot of people, she's also close to them. They chat, message and take photos. As for me, I am somewhat a reserved person, you could say. I'm not old-fashioned and I'm not entirely introvert because I want to make friends. I'm not a loner. It's like I'm stuck in between. 

Loyal is a big word. I know. I used to be friend with someone. Still friends until now but it's downgraded from best friend to friend. It's because I had a boyfriend. Yes, I know she was lonely. She's an introvert like me except she's a lot more than I am. So, she was slapped hard when I was fading away from her and moving towards my ex. And then, she gave up. And so do I.

And now, we're just friends. I can't say acquaintances though because I still know her. Most of her. So, up until that point was when I've changed. Not really after the downgraded friendship but more to when I've broke up with my ex. 

No, I wasn't heartbroken. Because I was the one asking for the break up. I was devastated. At him. And I felt like I was kept in a cage. And now I feel free. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to think about him. No more, "Oh what if he fell in love with someone else?" or something. No, I felt nothing. Call me evil but yes, I was not heartbroken, I was not sad. At all. In fact, the relationship and the break up teach me something.

There's a whole new world outside of me when I've stepped outside the box. And now, fortunately I don't have a crush on someone real except for Hisoka and Taehyun (Still not considered real because I can't meet him).

Though, I'm searching for someone who acts like Taehyun. Because of this man, I am now into feminine guys. Not like REAL feminine. Just that he's manly but a little softer than the usual guy. And look feminine too. Not too much though. Just a little tiny bit. Like this one:

Look at him. (He's cute! *O* That smile!) He looks manly enough to me but he has that bit of a soft side. I don't know why I'm drawn to him. Because he has that Hisoka's vibe when I first saw him? Probably but now to me, I don't see those mysterious vibe anymore. Now he just look cute. 

And looks like someone I could protect if he and I are in a non-existent zombie apocalypse because I want to be the hero, not him. He can be the sidekick, or the heroin(?) Let's say if I were with a manly guy. That guy will protect me and I don't like that. I like to stand on my own feet and shatter those zombie heads with a chainsaw in my hands rather than act like a princess and whine a lot. 

You could say I'll probably be a future Queen bee? Like all queen control and everything. Yeah, I think I could see it now. That's what changed inside me. My taste of guys and the way I want people to control me. Now I don't like people controlling me. I want to control them. 

Also changing is my way of thinking. My brain used to be filled with all the fluffy things you could ever think of but now, all I think about is something way simple than before. But, what's changing inside me is acceptance.

I never knew I was actually allergic to cats. I thought the sneezing was only because I had sinuses. But when I decided to check on why I sneeze a lot when I'm around cats, I found the answer. I was allergic.

I felt like crying. A vet that's allergic to cats? Yeah, I thought about that. I wanted to be a vet but then, I'm allergic. What is this nonsense?! I felt giving up but then, if I gave up, what would I want to be? All my backup dream jobs are suitable to be a part time job. The jobs can't guarantee long lasting supply of money. 

My primary dream job is a vet. And the others are just part time. "So, then what?" "Well, I can still be a vet that wears a goggle and a mask all the time." Yup, that was what I thought. I'm not giving up on vet. Unless I didn't get straight A, then I'm screwed; for life.

And you know what I've found during the search for cat allergies symptoms? Well, they provided a list of hypoallergenic cats. And you know what's a hypoallergenic cats? It's cats that produce less Fel D1 proteins that makes people allergic. 

Basically, what I was allergic to was the proteins, not the furs. So, these hypo cats produce less of them. That means my allergies will be a lot less or absence in the present of those cats. So, the one cat breed I'm interested is the Siberian. Yes, they are long-haired but they're hypoallergenic. Which is good because I've always wanted to own a long-haired cat that doesn't make me sneeze a lot.

 And who doesn't want these Siberian because look at this. LOOK AT IT!

It's so magnificent! I must have one! And if it's possible, I want one as soon as possible. Because why? Because I've been dreaming that I went to different pet stores to go and find a Siberian. Three times. THREE DREAMS IN THREE DIFFERENT NIGHTS and it makes me feel down in the drain when I opened up my eyes and saw the ceiling instead of a Siberian cat.

I wanted to ask for one if I got maybe 7A in SPM or something but then, I lost hope in my results. If I didn't get 7A or more, I wouldn't get one. Then, I would cry in the corner for the whole day. And Siberian is quite expensive too. And it's rare for them to be outside Europe because it's a Russian cat breed. Yup. 

I think I babbled quite a lot. Okay, not quite. But a lot. So, I guess it's this for now. Farewell.